Walls

Pain is inevitable.
And heartbreak just so happens to be one of the worst kinds of pain there is.
With every heart break, it feels like we’ve lost a part of ourselves.
Sooner or later, after we’ve used up our free heartbreak quota, we wake up to realize that we are no longer the person we used to be.
We reach a stage in life where we build a wall around ourselves.
A wall too strong to break, too high to climb.
It seems safer to be within those walls.

What once used to be all you craved, now seems to be what you absolutely detest.
You were once a girl surrounded by the people who adored you, and now, the slightest sign of love seems to irk you.
You begin to slowly associate love with pain, and all you wish to do is avoid it at all costs.
Believe me, the initial phase is blissful.
You manage to convince yourself that you are protecting yourself from the pain.
The walls you put up, the boundaries you create, the thirst to be alone…
It all makes you feel like you’ve solved the riddle to living a happy life.
When you give pain no room, you will never lose complete control over yourself.

What you don’t realize though, is that tiny bit of emptiness slowly seeping into your life.
You forget that you were made to feel something.
Anything.
Everything.
Every tiny feeling.
The thing about emotions is that you can cut them off, but the consequence is not being able to feel any of the others.
You try cutting off pain, and happiness will leave you too.
They’re all interlinked in a giant messy and confusing web.

The walls you create by doing all you can to evade the heartbreak, will refuse to let any other emotion it.
The walls will grow bigger over time and envelope you completely.
Before you know it, you’re stuck all alone, trying to figure out why you can’t seem to get your life back in control.

I mean, it’s been months since he left you for her.
Yet you’re still stuck in the same place you were the day he left.
It’s kind of ridiculous.
Putting up walls may seem like an easy solution, but it just drags you into a deeper and deeper mess.

Force yourself to let it go.
Heal.
Learn to associate pain with that person, not with love.
Learn to forgive yourself.
It’s the hardest part of the healing process.
But don’t be too harsh on your heart.
Yeah, you misjudged someone.
But if your biggest fault was seeing the beauty in a rotted soul, then there’s really not too much to hate about yourself.
You have a good heart.
Be proud of it, not ashamed.
Find something to love again.
And no, it doesn’t have to be a guy.
Fall in love with a new book, a new song, a new brand of coffee.
Fall in love with long walks.
Fall in love with Friday nights.
Fall in love with a new city.
Fall in love with your job.
Whatever it is, do it whole-heartedly and passionately.
Not everything you love is bound to break your heart.