Starting Over

Relationships are scary.
We all wish and daydream and hope and pray for that fantasy relationship, but once you’re dating someone, you realize that being in a relationship requires a lot of work.
They’re hard.
You have to learn how to take care of someone else, when for the longest time you only ever cared about yourself.

So there you are, stuck in a relationship you enjoyed being in a year ago.
You know it’s over.
All the signs are crystal clear.
Where has the time gone?
There used to be butterflies, and inside jokes, and constant hand-holding, and random kisses.
What the hell happened?
Oh yeah…
The bickering, the fighting, the jealousy, the insecurities, the making up, the not getting along, the not like each other’s friends, and then finally, the broken hearts.

After this cycle, you promise yourself not to be with anyone else again.
Not ever.
You tell yourself that absolutely no amount of love is worth feeling that amount of pain.
It’s not worth the risk; it’s not worth taking a chance on.
Never again will you open up to someone.
Never again will you give your body, heart, and soul to someone.
Never again will you let someone see all the complicated and dark parts you try so hard to hide from the world.
Never again will you go out of your way and make the effort to see someone.
Never again will you let someone in.
Never again will you love someone.

At least that’s what you think.
Until you meet someone else who makes your heart flutter.

And when you meet someone after a terrible heartbreak, you promise yourself that you’re going to treat this differently.
You’ll take it slow.
You won’t let him get too close.
You’ll hide parts of yourself that people had once so recklessly taken for granted.
But for what?
The best part about being with someone is being able to be yourself; to be vulnerable and open and goofy and honest.

Here are the seven reasons I broke down my walls and decided to give love another chance:

He or she misses out on you.
You are an amazing person, whether some people disagree or not.
You’re funny and exciting and sarcastic and kind.
You’re passionate and have a big heart.
You love watching football on Sundays while tossing back a few beers.
You like to sing obnoxiously to your favorite songs.
You enjoy getting dolled up and going out with your friends.
Don’t let your next significant other miss out on opportunities to be with the real you.
Be yourself.
If people like you for you, you’ll know.

You’ll miss out on love.
When you hold yourself back, you’re giving up on love.
Being afraid to open up to someone is normal.
We’re born reserved; we don’t go up to people and tell them our secrets and insecurities; our life stories.
But allowing someone in, letting someone to see the most vulnerable and raw parts of you, is absolutely beautiful.
It’s what life and love is all about.

You will never get to know him or her.
People aren’t stupid.
If you aren’t into them, they can feel it.
If you have a wall up, they’ll reciprocate and put a wall up, too.
Take the risk; open up to the other person so you can give him or her a chance to open up to you.
There is nothing more important than being with someone who is willing to grow with you each day.

When you’re finally ready, it might be too late.
“It’s too late.”
Those words can be harsh.
Those words can hit you right in the heart.
Those are words you never want to hear.
There are so many things you can blame the other person for if the relationship doesn’t work, but if you’re constantly afraid and going backwards or stuck in the same spot, he or she will become tired, disinterested, and move on.
Without you.

You’ll eventually be unhappy.
Keeping your true self away from someone you care about can take a toll on you in the long run.
You’ll get used to being so reserved and confined that it will be the only way you know.
You don’t want to end up being scared to open up to your significant other when you finally realize you are ready to be yourself.
Don’t let your last relationship ruin the possibility of being happy with someone else.

You won’t experience the real definition of adventure.
You want to be with someone who is spontaneous and exciting, right?
You want to experience new places and new feelings?
You don’t want to be alone anymore?
Think outside of your box.
Step out of your comfort zone.
Let someone in.
Yeah, it’s a whole lot easier said than done, but take a chance on someone new.
If he or she is willing to give you their all, you should do the same.
It might be the best decision you’ll ever make.

You won’t learn anything new about yourself.
Being in relationships, good or bad, only teaches you more about who you are.
It shows what you like, love, dislike, hate, don’t care for, can’t stand, crave, and won’t put up with.
Take what you’ve learned in past relationships and put it into your new one.
If it’s anything positive, great.
If it’s negative, that’s great too.
Either way, you’ll know exactly how to steer away from that negative and turn it into something positive.
Keep in mind that it might not work out with everyone.
That doesn’t mean you should give up on finding your soulmate.
Forget about the past.
It’s behind you for a reason.
Don’t dwell.
Don’t overanalyze.
Cry your tears, throw away the pictures, and move on.
If it didn’t work out with someone, there’s someone else waiting to make you happy.
Just remember that you don’t want to cheat the next person out of getting to know the full experience of you.